|
SYNAGOGUE BULLETIN BLOOPERS
1. Don't let worry kill you. Let
your synagogue help. Join us for
our Oneg (social) after services.
Prayer and medication to follow.
Remember in prayer the many
who are sick of our congregation.
2. For those of you who have
children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs.
3. We are pleased to announce
the birth of David Weiss, the sin
of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss.
4. Thursday at 9, there will be a
meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
All women wishing to become Little
Mothers please see the rabbi in his
private study.
5. The ladies of Hadassah have cast
off clothing of every kind and they may
be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.
6. A baked bean supper will be held
Wednesday evening in the community
center. Music will follow.
7. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM
at the JCC. Please use the large double
door at the side entrance.
8. Rabbi is on vacation. Massages can
be given to his secretary.
9. Goldblum will be entering the hospital
this week for testes.
10. The Men's Club is warmly invited to
the Oneg hosted by Hadassah. Refreshments
will be served for a nominal feel.
11. Please join us as we show our support
for Amy and Rob, who are preparing for the
girth of their first child.
12 . We are taking up a collection to defray
the cost of the new carpet in the sanctuary.
All those wishing to do something on the carpet
will come forward and get a piece of paper.
13. If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking
for you.
14. The Associate Rabbi unveiled the synagogue's
new fund raising campaign slogan this week:
"I Upped My Pledge. Up Yours."
Three friends from the local congregation
were asked "When you're in your casket,
and friends and congregation members are
mourning over you, what would you like
them to say?"
Artie said: "I would likethem to say I was
a wonderful husband, a Fine spiritual leader,
and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to
say I was a wonderful teacher and servant
of G-d who made a huge difference in peoples
lives."
Don said: "I'd like them to say, 'Look, he's moving!"
*****
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close
enough to talk to G-d. Looking up, he asks the
Lord....."G-d, what does a million years mean to
you?"
The L-rd replies, "A minute."
Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean
to you?"
The L-rd replies, "A penny."
Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The L-rd replies, "In a minute."
*****
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi,
something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning
me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks,
"How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm
certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let
me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out
and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and
says. "Well, I spoke to your wife. Spoke to
her on the phone for three hours. You want
my advice?"
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied,
"Take the poison."
| 
